


LION

by uranimegf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Injury Recovery, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Recovery, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uranimegf/pseuds/uranimegf
Summary: Leon Serose seldom remembered life ere the survey corps, but laying feeble and bleeding out in the middle of nowhere often makes one reflect.After scraping a near survival of the 57th expedition, the young soldier laid weak at the edge of the titan forest, isolated and awaiting the deliverance of death. However, the departing words of her captain find her again, and with them comes the will to continue living.As Leon embarks on the road to rehabilitation, she battles with the repercussions of living, warm-blooded, in a world with titans.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 25





	1. rumination

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> So, here's a bit of background before we get to the warnings. If you don't care, please scroll down to read them before continuing! 
> 
> This story was one I originally wrote when I was about 9-10 and, honestly, it was terrible. I managed to recover the bio and the original author's note and it turned into this inside joke with me and my friends. It was genuinely so funny reading it that I thought it would be funny to - as season 4 was closing in to release - redesign the main character of that story, Leon. 
> 
> Eventually, though, as I redesigned her, I began to remember more about the old story and I messaged my friends and laughed about it every time. I kept being like "Oh, wouldn't it be funny if I rewrote it lol" 
> 
> So, here we are now! I hope this can be a fun little project to keep me busy. Although, I have never used Ao3 before, so if you see this and have any tips or if you see anything I’m doing wrong, please let me know! 
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> \- Themes of death and loss  
> \- Graphic descriptions of injuries/recovering injuries  
> \- Themes of sexual assault  
> \- Depictions of blood and otherwise graphic scenes  
> \- Depictions of trauma  
> \- Themes of parental abuse/parental trauma  
> \- Themes of depression and recovery  
> \- Child death
> 
> SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1-4 OF ATTACK ON TITAN, AS WELL AS THE "No Regrets" OVA! PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

_Near-death was peaceful._

That's how she would describe it; peaceful. Calm.

The call into darkness was comparable to the moments before a deep sleep; welcoming. And, yet, it was also cold and unwavering in its indifference. The forest brought a secured sense of rest; Leon lay adjacent enough from the thick of it so that she could hear the rustling of the wind amidst the fronds, but far enough from the centre that the thinning trees brought warmth with the thick rays of the dusk Summer sun through the leaves. It wasn't as dark near the edges.

As Leon Serose coughed up a splatter of crimson, she scraped her fleeting mind to attempt to recognize what brought her to the outside walls that day. She kept the moment before she ended up there, at the edge of the titan forest, bloodied and losing her grip on her cling for life. She remembered dismay. She remembered doubt as it plagued her mind. She never disputed the orders of her captain but she recalled not attaining any. She remembered Petra crying out for anything from the stoic man in front of them but receiving nothing.

There was something of another memory and, then, there was nothing again.

Her psyche turned out its pockets and came up with lint, the crimson haze of memory loss dimming anything that could've brought any more clarity to the junctures that brought her there. Black eyes find her wound. She would always be made fun of for her eyes. She remembered that. Leon reckoned they looked much worse now; the bags must've been much darker, her skin must've been much more pallid. She almost laughed. God, if Nola saw her now. The soldier glanced down at her hand, raising it from her side with a wince. Through her razed uniform, she could still see the butchery torn into her skin. Gore, from what she could discern through the sheets of torn cloth, dissipated wholly across the side of her abdomen. Leon couldn't remember why. Her legs, too, were severely hurt. She didn't know what was wrong with them - broken, probably. She inferred that she most likely had plunged and snagged herself on something on the way.

 _ **You could move them,**_ she reckoned. _ **You could move them if you tried.**_

She was weary of trying.

Leon closed her eyes, wincing at the dull pain the tiny action brought upon her. Blood spurted unceremoniously from the girl's mouth, inky hair falling lightly over her face. Previously off-white pants now bore marks from every piece of the earth around her body; green grass stuck to the knees and front legs, dirt and mud splattered around it. The blood that coated the rest of the uniform pooled at her hips, both fresh and dried. Leon wasn't sure if it was all her own, the only certainty being the fresh crimson that she watched fall from her wounds and into a pool on the soil beneath her. The girls' eyelids grew heavier by the moment and each time she fought to keep them open the weight grew more and more substantial. The young soldier attempts to reach for the ring tied around her neck, but her hand was suddenly too heavy to raise, thus fell limply at her side.

It hurt.  
It hurt to breathe, it hurt to blink, it hurt to be sleepless. It hurt to not know and yet she knew that it would still hurt to realize.  
She was so tired.

Her wound felt like condemnation. She couldn't wait to sleep forever, to be rid of it, to be rid of this world, to be rid of those things not far from her. She hadn't heard a titan yet. Perhaps it was the setting sun? Perhaps they had killed them? The thought brought her peace; that they would be back home, now, long after celebrating the success of the 57th exhibition and the taking of the Titan forest. She hoped they wouldn't miss her too much. She hoped that they prospered. She hoped that her absence brought a comfortable position to a strong-willed young soldier for Levi to choose. She hoped Petra didn't get too hard of a time from her peers for being the only girl again. She hoped he didn't beat himself up for it, though she knew he would.

Was this the death they wrote about in books? She felt everything she knew to feel. She felt the peace, she felt the cold.

Leon felt everything, and yet she felt nothing.

The wind picked up abruptly and Leon wheezed again as it caught her off guard. Green leaves sauntered around her, softly clicking in the gust as they closed their distance from her. Leon watched as they docked near her feet.

 ** _My boots are so filthy,_ **she thought. **_Nola's gonna kill me._**

 _Nola_.

 _God_ , Nola.  
Leon had almost forgotten about Nola. That girl, she was probably eating dinner, now. This would usually be about the time they would be eating. She bet it would be a nice meal, too. She knew Nola, though. Maybe she wouldn't eat. She wondered who told her, how she would've reacted. **_She must be so scared._** Her thoughts find her again. **_She must be so scared and alone. I should've told her to make more friends._ **

Then, she sees her. Her pale, freckled skin, her deep brown eyes, just like hers, her clumsily chopped black hair, pulled into two small ponytails to try to hide just how badly Leon fucked it up.  
"You can't give up like this," she tells her. "You can't leave me here with these _idiots_ , _you can't leave me alone_." Her voice is so familiar in her air, yet it's not there.  
"I'm so tired, rosebud," Leon rasps. "I can't."  
"You will," Nola responds. She was always so _damn_ stubborn. "You have to. For me. For him."

She remembers him.

She remembers what he told her. She remembers how she got there.

She remembers.

_And, suddenly, death isn't comforting anymore._


	2. sufferance

Leon had always thought that fight or flight was a superstition. It's what she taught Nola; _there is no flight. There is no fleeing unless you're told to._  
Perhaps now, though, she would eat her words. Because, when the scent of her own blood convened her nostrils, the soldier suddenly felt a jolt of life hit her. Her mind; formerly paled from the rest, raced with strategies.   
She needed to get home. She needed to see Nola. She needed to apologise to Levi.   
_Levi_. His name found her, devastatingly robust in it's blow to her psyche.

 ** _That's right,_** she thought. ** _You were remembering._**

_**Everything was so painful.** _   
_**The fall was shattering, having been strong enough to slash a sizeable chunk from her torso as she fell from the sky. That Titan had strength.** _   
_**She had been lying there since, though she had spent a grand amount of her time striving to haul herself to her horse, which had long since withdrawn further into the woodland.** _   
_**She had given up for longer, though. Reclining up tiredly on a tree, not a few metres from where she had plummeted.** _   
_**Her eyelids grew heavier by the moment.** _

_**Just as she began to listen to the voice telling her to give in to the fatigue, a dull thud mentally kicked her back into gear.** _   
_**"Cadet," Breathy but still familiar, Levi Ackerman spoke out from the ringing landscape around her. Footsteps got louder as he approached her, crunching leaves as he does. Leon coughed, gaining his scrutiny. The captain sheathes his blades.** _   
_**"Captain," The girl breathes. "Like an angel, he arrives." Levi scowled. The man crouched to her height, her body slouched against the tree as he inspects her. "Manning your journals sounds preferable right now,"** _   
_**"Stop talking." Levi's hands reach around her to grab her, already slick with blood. Leon wails. He retracts his arms as she mutters something about giving her a minute.** _   
_**For the first time in a while, Levi Ackerman was stuck for ideas. While he considered and rejected answers, the girl recollected herself. A toothy grin shone through the slick blood seeping out of her mouth.** _   
_**"You should tell Erwin that he was right," She laughed. "He'd love that." Her eyelids were suddenly heavier than her body felt.** _   
_**"You can tell him yourself," Levi replied, his gunmetal eyes void of fervour still, even now. The wind picked up again.** _   
_**"I'm sorry," was all she mumbled in rejoinder. Leon didn't know what else she could say; her mind was already retiring from her.** _   
_**"Shut up. Stop being melodramatic and get up." the captain decreed, standing up to open his thoughts in place for a notion. "Where's your horse?"** _   
_**Suddenly, a roar. From further into the forest.** _   
_**"You have to go," she mutters.** _   
_**"Ser-"** _   
_**"Levi." Leon cuts him off before he could begin his offence. "Don't you remember? My little life doesn't count at all." her voice was so vulnerable.** _   
_**"Your vitality counts to the people waiting for you back home."** _   
_**Leon is silent for a moment. His voice was so incredibly frigid and autocratic, though, through her studies, she recognized despondency when she heeded it. She heaved as Levi lifts her hand from her wound, pressing on it himself.** _   
_**"Your life counts for so much more, Levi," she responds finally. "There are soldiers out there right now waiting on your orders. They need you. Survive for them. Please."** _   
_**"I'm not going anywhere."** _   
_**"You have to."** _   
_**"I don't have to do shit for a soldier. You're surviving today. You're going to see Nola again and you're going to educate that 104th cadet again. Now get the fuck up an-"** _   
_**Her breathing shallows.** _   
_**"Serose-" he shakes her, yet there's no acknowledgement from the injured girl. He hampers for one prolonged moment before there is a shot into the air, likely a smoke signal. He delays. "Fucking survive." he curses. Then, heaving a heavy sigh, the captain pursues the source of the roar.** _

It would kill her to admit that, at that moment, she was wrong. As the soldier hauled herself from her spot near the tree, she thought of all the ways she could disavow her squadmates teasings - assuming Levi had mentioned her at all.   
By the time she reached the cool shade of the thick of the forest, she decided she would acknowledge her drawback if anyone gave rise to it. Petra would have a hearty chuckle a that, she assumed. Leon couldn't wait to hear her laugh again.

The wound at her side was raw in the pain it brought to her. The dirt and loose gravel of the wilderness disturbed the vulnerable fissure as she crawled, especially so when the grass became thinner and heavy, stationary rocks became her path.   
She concluded to chance her legs. She thought, if anything, the dull, continuous pain of walking on broken legs would be fairer than snagging her open flesh on sharp stones.   
It stalled her speed and hurt like she had been hexed, but it gave the soldier an unrestricted hand to put tension onto her wound.   
Leon lifted it slightly. Her hand was wholly coated in crimson gore. The impression made her gag; the thought that it was hers.

As she relented on foot, leaning on trunks for support along the way, Leon began to heed gracious, frightened neighs.   
She was going to make it.   
She was going to make it to that horse, she was going to make it to the walls and she was going to make it home.

_She was going to see her squad again._

Leon Serose recited that sentiment - "I am going to make it home." - for the entirety of her journey back to the walls. Although she would usually scold herself for doing something so abrupt, Leon couldn't help but thanks whoever sent the luck that brought an alive horse her way, and whoever had authorized to fall to dusk when she awoke. The titans were senseless.

She had _survived._

As the wall came into her view, Leon allowed herself to stall her horse's pace.   
She sat, weak, as the garrison soldiers inspect her.

_"A scout?"_   
_"What?!"_   
_"From...wait! She's from-"_   
_"-back home, okay?-"_

**Home**. She thought. _**You're going home.**_


	3. convalescence

It was never apparent that the 57th exhibition would be as destructive as it was.

When he took his squad on the mission, Levi Ackerman had never anticipated only one survivor. He never expected to give as big of a shit about their insurance as he did.

The captain never awaited saying the things he said to her. Even now as he sat beside his subordinate in the infirmary, the man found himself wringing his hands; a nervous tick he had picked up since his work had begun at the survey corps. Her breathing was shallow, but Levi didn't care because it was _there_. Leon Lerose was _alive_ , albeit just. Someone else from the special operations squad had withstood the exhibition.

He had been watching her for a day or two now. He didn't remember when exactly he arrived at the medical wing, but he recognized that he hadn't left her alone for long since she had been brought there upon her abrupt arrival.

Honestly, the captain was still striving to amass his thoughts.

He had thought Leon was dead. He lived for 37 hours as the lone survivor of the 57th exhibition. Then, out of nowhere, she appeared. Bloodied and maimed, but alive.

Had it not been for the adrenaline that found a place in his veins, the captain would've tittered at the entire predicament; it was so faultlessly in her character to pull a stunt like this, but truly, he was in shock. For the first time in years, Levi Ackerman was caught off guard. He hadn't left her side since. He still had work to do - of course he did - but the captain found himself by her side whenever he finished a pile, or when he would usually take a break for lunch, or when he was to be training. Levi had practically memorised a good portion of her wounds; her arm had been wrapped 15 times, starting at her wrist and ending just under her elbow. Her torso was fully wrapped again only two hours previously but had already begun bleeding through both the thin hospital shirt and the bandages. Her left leg was suspended in a cast, her face was pale, skinny, and had three new distinct marks.

"Captain, can I speak with you?" Levi looks up towards the medic assigned to her. He knew her well now, Nurse Kris, from the time he found himself spending there since his soldier's arrival. He hums, standing from his seat to follow the older woman.  
"Good morning, captain." she shoots him a small smile as he shuts the curtain behind him. Levi nods in response.  
"She's still stable, but her pulse remains weak."  
"Hm."  
"The girl approached me yesterday, asking me about her sister." the old nurse speaks gently as she adjusts whatever it was in the cabinet she had opened. "I can't keep information from her for much longer, captain. She will know eventually."

"She will know when Serose wakes," Levi responds. The nurse grimaces, perturbed with the judgment of the scout's captain. Levi notices and furrows his brows at her.   
"What is the problem?"

"I think it cruel to leave her ignorant." She sighs, turning from the man. She begins to wring a bandage through her hand, prepping it for a new patient, though Levi conjectured that it was likely to keep her hands occupied. "You have to understand, captain, her wounds are severe. Her survival isn't certain. If she were to...succumb on my watch and Nola doesn't know why, I..."  
"She won't die, if that's what you're implying." Levi cuts through her ambivalence. The nurse ceases her wringing, the bandage near ripping as she stops mid-wrap.  
"You don't know that." She breathes.  
"She's not going to die. Tell Serose that."  
"I can't lie to her," the captain's gunmetal eyes narrow cooly at the old nurse. She avoids contact with them, her own eyes finding the bandage in her hands. The nurse fumbles with it for another moment, then sighs and hands the fabric to him. Levi takes them, his glower steadfast. "Yes, sir." She mutters. "I must ask you to re-wrap her wounds if you have the chance. I'm scheduled for a checkup." The captain nods. "If anything happens, call for me," The nurse fumbles with a medkit, then dusts off her uniform with a small sigh.

"Understood," Levi concedes. She shoots him a neat smile, then swerves to leave the room. "And, nurse-" his call left her stopping in her tracks, turning back to him with raised eyebrows. "When you say something, say it. Insinuating will get you nowhere," he speaks.   
The nurse coughs.   
"If the section commander asks for me, let her know of my whereabouts," he adds.  
"Yes, captain."   
Levi looked down at his hands, wringing the bandages as the nurse had just done.

**_His eyes wander upwards to the label on the door._ **

**_ "Emergency" _ **

**_"You'll wear the stone with all that pacing." Erwin comments, his voice a gentle scare to the captain as he ceased his movements. Levi looked up at the commander, brows knitted tightly together in a heavy scowl_ **   
**"What's her status?" He prods, disregarding the man's attempts to keep him level.**   
**"She'll survive. Hanges word."**   
**"She was half dead when she got here, what does her word have to-"**

**Then, the door opened. Levi stood back slightly, watching as Hange wiped the sweat from her forehead tiredly. She leaned against it as she closed it, limp from the fatigue that overtook her.**

**"How is she?" Erwin asked for him.**   
**_"She's got a pulse."_ **   
**_Erwin seemed disheartened at her answer. Levi snaps up._ **   
**_"That's it?"_ **   
**_"In any other situation, she would be dead," Hange replies, voice much harsher now than before. "We're lucky she got back in the condition she did. Any later and her body would've been too malnourished to recover, and considering the condition of her legs, it was certainly a struggle to make it back home," the section commander avowed breathily._ **

**_Levi almost grimaces_ **

**_"Hm. How did she manage to make it to the mess hall in a condition like that?" Erwins voice was bound with a precise blend of both inclination and turbulence._ **   
**_"Sheer determination, I would suppose. Would've hurt like a damn conviction." Hange answers as enthusiastically as she could, though it was quite arduous when envisioning it._ **

**_Levi tuts. Why would the soldiers leave her alone? Even as they were looking for help, they should have had someone watching her. She could've gotten herself killed just because she wanted to see that damned kid. Walking on two fucking broken legs. Her resolution made the captain scowl._ **

**_Hange folds her finger over her chin in thought. "Her wounds would've been hard enough to treat on their own, but they managed to maintain a steady pulse for the past hour. Her ribs are cracked, and she left with a fair amount of broken bones and gashes, particularly a nasty chunk from her-"_ **   
**_"That's enough, I believe. Thank you, Hange." the commander hinders her with a considerately elevated hand and a nod. He would rather have been spared the grizzly details of the girls hours of pain._ **   
**_"Of course. All she needs now is hourly checkups, quad-hourly bandaging and a nice meal. They've got nurses cycling in and out to watch her." she smiles tiredly. "She's healing, but we can't be sure if..."_ **   
**_Levi tears his eyes from the door to meet Hanges for the first time since she had greeted them._ **   
**_"We're hopeful," she states, sympathetically._ **   
**_"I'm going to see her," he speaks, though it was more of a command - a disclosure of something that was going to happen either way - than a timely appeal. Hange nods wordlessly as he enters._ **

On the morning of her fourth day gone, Levi Ackerman entered the medical wing as he had been doing every morning before.

He hadn't expected the entropy on the other side of the door.

Nurses and assorted corpsmen swirled around him, vocalising medical jargon he didn't read and carrying reports of things he didn't understand. The captain stood in the doorframe for a moment until he was recognised. Kris smiled at him tiredly as she approached him.

"Good morning, captain," she croaks, her voice scratchy and weak from overuse. Levi nods a reception, keen on conceding the sudden influx in staff. "Excuse the mess, please, we're sorting a treatment and recovery plan-"  
"Recovery?"

"Your soldier," The nurse replies. "She's awake."


	4. brutal validity

Through the small crack between the thick, cotton sheets, the captain could observe her as she lay, occasionally groaning lightly in pain as she fought to fall out of approaching sleep.

"She's even paler now," Erwin's sudden sound from behind him drew Levi's partial recognition, as his eyes glance promptly to survey him before snapping back to the girl in the bed.   
"Tch," Levi responds. "She looks like shit."   
"She's breathing," The commander cuts him off before he could say anything further. "If nothing else, we have that."

Levi heaves a sigh, dropping his arm to his side and closing the gap between the fabric curtains.

"The first thing she did was ask for that fucking kid," He breathes. A contemptuous scoff finds him yet again, though Erwin seemed much lighter in his light chortle.   
His smile fades, though, as reality dawns on him.   
"Captain Levi," he murmurs.

Levi looks at him.

"She's expecting the special operation squad." Erwin's words hung insidiously in the air, horribly onerous in their weight. Levi's breath hitches. "I've given the order to sustain confidence. I want you to tell her,"

"You what?"  
"Levi-"   
"It's not my job to be a fucking therapist. That's her job."   
Erwins eyes harden in their gaze, wordlessly silencing the captains' protests. Despite its sovereignty, he is sincere and moral and kind in his silence,   
and it almost brings comfort to his subordinate.

Then, he speaks again. Calmly and hospitably, Erwin grips the captain to a silent revelation.

"Be with her."  
"Commander-"  
"You will live with this grief for the remainder of this life. Be with her as you do."

Levi swallows. His eyes wander back to the curtain. He had found himself parting it again.   
Although not physically, Levi felt Leon's dreamy gaze on him. The gaze of a frightened soldier in need of a captain. He had seen it on so many that day.

 ** _Maybe_** , he thought, **_Maybe you can do something this time._**

* * *

"You're awake," he speaks, voice half-muffled by the palm of his hand.   
"Seems that way," Leon's eerie voice had never been so welcomed. "I much preferred sleep. Couldn't feel much then,"

Levi swallows, the small-talk especially unsavoury, now, as the impediment of the words he had been piecing together in his head beset his vigour, rendering him nauseous.   
She was so unfavourably naive to the situation he had been living with for the past week. He almost wished that he, too, had been hit in the head with a force to be reckoned to possibly the strongest titan they had faced. He wished it had been him instead.

"What do you remember?"

The question was expected, yet still sat in the air uncomfortably, like a laugh at a funeral.   
"I remember Petra asking for orders," Leon replies. "Then there is nothing until I remember being hit from the sky. You came to get me,"   
Levi's eyes find his hands. 

"I told you to leave. Then you did, and I was asleep." she continues.   
"We had to flee." Levi insures. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt as though he needed to - perhaps he felt like he owed her, if anything, she deserved an explanation.   
"I know," Leon responds. "The others were alive. I wasn't. I realize your prerogatives."  
Levi is silent. He cringes, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. Leon creases her brows.

"Captain Levi...?"  
His nails dig into the arm of the chair.   
"I'm expected to give you a briefing," he speaks.   
"Alright, " Leon responds wearily, gingerly sitting up in the bed. "Captain-"  
"During the 57th expedition outside of the walls, the special operations squad were met with an anomalous titan," His voice was so incredibly uncomfortable in its formality, as though he had rehearsed it before. Leon is suddenly weary. "We didn't expect it's strength and we had to flee,"  
"I know, Levi, what are you saying?" the rites are abandoned now, he was no longer a captain to her. Her voice broke as she pleaded for his solemnity.

**"We lost four of the five special operation squad units," He states. "You are the only surviving member."**

Four.

Oluo, Eld, Petra, Gunther.

Four of them. All of them. All of them but _her_.

The words hit her like an oncoming horde. 

Leon, in her weary heart, knew they were coming. She wasn't naive. Yet, they ached all the same. Tears that previously pricked at her eyes now spilt freely and in abundance.  
"You...must be mistaken," Leon sniffled. "Petra, Oluo...they can't be dead. They can't be,"  
Leon's arms shook as they supported her body, still frail from the injuries, and soon crumbled as she fell back down into the headboard. At his silence, she clasped a hand over her mouth as she sobbed - out of instinct, she supposed, to lull herself.

"Nobody...but for me," she murmurs.   
She couldn't think of anything but that - why had she been the lone survivor? Why not Eld? He had been proven to be a level-headed, dependable soldier innumerable times. Petra was so incredibly kind, often to her own disgrace.   
"Why not me...?" she murmurs.   
Levi shuts his eyes, the concern all too intimate to him as it had been afflicting him, too, for his days solitary following the expedition.

He swallows, the room silent with the soldier's shattered wails.

"Was it quick?" after a moment, she mumbles again. Shaky and cool in its tone, her broken voice left Levi uneasy. "Did they suffer?"

Levi considers lying. He considers ensuring her of their quick deaths.   
Then, he elects against it. He knew it would bring a destructive equilibrium to their casualties; he knew that, to her, it would be satisfactory. Reception of death only brought further longing of it.

"Some didn't."

Leon doesn't concede right away. He watched her process it, weary eyes (still damp and occasionally letting a tear fall, but more so numb from exhaustion now) staring into the curtain in front of her.

Levi had seldom seen her like this - if ever. Leon was never overly emotive, but she was certainly full of character. A strange character, perhaps, but a caring, understanding one as well.

Leon had unfailingly laboured as a consulting psychologist during her time in the survey corps. It was due to her awareness of the human psyche at her considerably youthful age that she had been ratified as a late application into the corps in the first place. They would scantily accept soldier appeals past the age of 18 without a reasonable excuse. However, upon boasting her proficiency in the area and offering her insight (in exchange for a position as a cadet alongside her sister being secured), she was welcomed despite her off-putting, eerie ambience as she spoke and her significantly small, scrawny proportions. 

Her understanding of human sentiments left her apathetic state now feeling particularly jarring to the usually rather jaded captain. Levi knew that she had seen this in many soldiers during her studies of them; jaded, emotionless and entirely broken beyond the children they were as they joined. It was bizarre to see her echo them now.

Leon blinks. Then, after a moment, she sits up. A tired smile finds her dried lips, and the turns to the Captain once more.   
"I appreciate your truth," she finally speaks. "I'm aware it must be difficult. To see their families. To have lived with it for two days. I assume it's as difficult for you to hear it as it is me."

Her smile is uncanny. It is tired and sloppy, just as she always has been, yet it painted lips that previously were plagued with the musings of anguish.   
It is ungenuine.   
Then, as she sniffs, it flees again.

"It must be wretched work," she continues. "Having to live with this grief, yet show none of it." Leon shifts to look at her hands as they wring together. "I hope my existence can bring translucence."

Levi looks at her. He goes to say something but decides against it.

"Me too."


	5. betterment

The new room was much more charming than the medical wing.

Although regarded as an act of abandon and requisite, Leon certainly hailed the accommodation she had been left to.   
It was quiet and it was warm, and it sat close enough to Hanges office so that she had gotten a warm meal every time they passed after dinner.  
Because of this proximity, though, and how intentionally far Hanges office had been placed from any area that could be place to larger gatherings of soldiers, the placement left Leon rather isolated from others.

The silence brought a serene stillness when she had first been moved there but, now, Leon found herself seeking condolence from the footsteps that periodically passed by her door. Levi had prohibited anyone from seeing her past the higher-ups which she, at first, conceded to. She didn't want anybody to see her in the state she was in. However, as her convalescence stretched into days, she began to resent her past self. Leon adored her comrades dearly and they had eventually brought pleasant conversation (once all three of them allowed their moments of pity to surpass them) but cycling through recognizing the same three people every day was desolate.

**She needed to see Nola again.**

She wanted nothing more than to return to some sense of normalcy, but the only routine she had fallen into was drawing or staring wistfully at her bow and arrow (which the section commander kindly brought from her bunk while they were moving her belongings) until Hange would come, often in the evening after lunch, to record her progress on her legs.  
She had barely made any progress at all, though.  
The crutches were still outsiders to her despite how they sat beside her bed and despite how she had been using them daily. Her arms still ailed after a few minutes with them.

The stillness of her new room also brought deliberation; remembering. She made it a ritual to recollect their faces, which left her bedside table cluttered with sketches of the special operations squad units and charcoal.

 _Leon hadn't had time like this to draw in months.  
_ As she thumbed in the charcoal to mark the eye sockets, Leon reflected on who she had last drawn. Doubt plagued her, just as she had wished it wouldn't.

**_Was her nose really angled like that? Were her eyes green or hazel? Did her hair stop below her nape or under her ears?_ **

All she could see was her neck against the tree, face paled and covered in blood. Leon wished to stall her running ingenuity. She was fortunate she couldn't recall them as that version of themselves. She was lucky she recognized them as they lived. She was even luckier that she only knew them dead as Levi had described to her. Her eye twitched.

A knock sounds from the door and Leon looks up. The commander was much less tired-looking than he had been the day she returned. The smile he bared was kind and whole and welcoming. She returned it instantly. 

"Commander Erwin. Thank you for stopping by." She simpers, hoping that her smile didn't seem too eerie. She must've looked dreadful. "Are you busy?"  
"Aren't I always?" Erwin chuckles, taking a seat on the chair beside the bed and Leon silently thanks Hange for bringing it over. She thought about how awkward it must be to talk to people while they stood and she lay in a bed. "I am actually here for work," Leon furrows her brows, cocking her head to the side. It doesn't take her long to recognise the opening he had left her with, though, and she begins to tidy the papers on her bed. Erwin watches as she does. "Who's that?"   
"Eld." Erwin assesses the paper in her hand. Suddenly, Leon is doubting her skill. However, as a pleasant smile finds his lips, her doubt wanes.   
"I thought as much." He replies. "You're getting better."   
"Thank you, commander," Leon nods, pressing the papers back into the drawer of her bedside table. The room is quiet for the shortest moment. Then Erwin takes a breath.  
"Serose, the past few days have brought clarity to us on the calibre of soldier that the special operations squad has aided in producing." He begins. Leon can tell that he had rehearsed this exact sermon. "Your proficiency has become distinguished when regarding your survival after the 57th expedition. Although I was conscious of your aptitude since before your enrollment, the policy and will it took to return are qualities we strive for in leaders,"   
"Leaders?" Her eyes widen. Leon felt a twang of apprehension in her gut.

_"I have decided to grant you the title of Lieutenant. This means you will be leading the troops alongside captain Levi, under his watch."_

Suddenly, Leon is inundating in dread.

"I'm aware that this is not a position we have had very frequently, as often it is unneeded. However, the 104th is an extraordinary group of young soldiers. Additional guidance for both them and contemporary recruits is in order."

In her younger years, her haste is what brought her to such a comfortable position under Levi so early. A haste to find somewhere that was comfortable enough for Nola to rest in after years of discomfort, but strict enough so that she would learn the harsh realities of the world they lived in. It was what brought her to such a desperate position of joining the military past her "prime" age beyond the other cadets, and it is what lead her to offer herself up for a job she knew would bring only further melancholy to her already dim life.   
She cherished humans, but she wouldn't willingly bear the burden of listening to their innermost mortifying reflections every day had it not been for the girl she brought by her side. That haste, paired with the terms she was on with the commander before enlisting, left a bitter aroma in her mouth since she had joined the survey corps.   
She felt as though she had defrauded her way there.

Was she ever really a competent soldier, or was she just a guardian looking to counsel? Were her motives selfish? Was this role truly earned or was it awarded out of charity?

Leon feels her throat close up, though she is suddenly conscious of the silence she left.  
"Lieutenant," she mumbles, as though endeavouring the title on herself. It sat horribly in the air. "Will this..." She swallows the misgiving. "Will this allow me back onto the field?"   
"You will fight again, just as you did before," Erwin concedes. His voice is steadying, though Leon can't help the dismay that still found home in her stomach. "Of course, you will receive your own quarters and will be expected to train cadets and attend councils with other officials. However, this position would give great security to you and your sister."

Leon stews in the information for a moment.   
She considers resigning to the anxiety and rejecting it.   
The soldier found it arduous to understand the esteem she was now held under; all she had done was drag herself out of a forest and there she sat, days later, contemplating an offer many soldiers spend lifetimes awaiting.

"Serose, I've known you beyond your years as a soldier," as though he felt the apprehension in her throat, commander Erwin places a civil hand over her knee. She perks up and his eyes are just as civil, just as determined and profound as they had always been. "My father knew you as a good woman. And, as he predicted, you would be a fantastic soldier. Has he ever been wrong in your years of knowing him?" 

_**"No."** _

He hadn't.   
Mr Smith had always known an answer, though Leon couldn't help but credit the assurance to the childish wonder of speaking to a decent adult.   
He had visited their bakery whenever possible, bringing with him first a familiar and sympathetic face, then, eventually, books, stories, and small gestures of compassion as well.   
Leon smiled at the recollections.   
She seldom smiled when recalling the bakery. 

"I ask you to trust yourself as I trust you - as he did. I ask for that same faith. I ask for your assurance."Erwin had always insisted on assurance. Just as his father had assured her of his trust in her youth, his kin would do the same now. Leon contemplates his words. 

**_Trust._ **

He trusted her.   
He trusted her and, thus, he trusted his own pledges.  
Nola would be secure. She wouldn't be demoted, she wouldn't need to fear losing her bed. She would have a roof. 

**_He said she would, and so she trusted him completely._ **

Suddenly, the weight of the guilt, the burden of leadership and the fear of possibly rationing an office with Captain Levi are shelved. Suddenly, the answer is clear.

"Thank you, Erwin," at the reflection, the formalities are dropped. Despite the informal name, Erwin's smile grows warmer.

"I'll accept the position."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want to pretend that I know how the military rankings work? In the old version of the story, Leon was promoted to, get this, "Captain-in-chief". Isn't that terrible?? It is so BAD it's funny to me.   
> Anyway, I've researched as best as I could and I figured lieutenant would be the best title to refer to her place in the scouts. From what I've read, in the military, it is just a higher-ranked soldier. I know AOT doesn't actually have as many rankings, but I think this promotion is quite important to Leon's development as a character, so I've tried to explain it using her limited situation as best as I could.   
> Again, I am just gonna reiterate that this is a rewrite of something I wrote when I was super SUPER young and, though I've tried to fix as much of the plot holes/character faults that I can, if I stretched canon too much or just got it completely wrong, I really apologise! I've tried to preserve as much of the original story as I can without having it remain super cliche and cringe. I hope you enjoyed it anyways! :)


End file.
